Sent.

Aaahhhhhh.....

Did you hear it?  That was a huge sigh of relief escaping from the inner part of my being and out through my lips. 

I sent in my query letter to Pacific Press. 

Whew!

I don't really have much to say about this, because words cannot explain it.  But let me say this:  Either they accept or they don't.  Either way, at least I know which way to proceed.  I still have some revising to work on, but I am in a good place with it.  I am ready to know which direction to turn to.

But for now we start the waiting game...

Wisdom.

Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very"; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

                                              ~ Words of wisdom from Mark Twain



Dive.

I am full of fresh ideas right now on how to make this rough draft a more polished draft.  I set out today to make that happen.  Two chapters down, many more to go.  I am diving in.  I want to get this thing DONE!  It is time, isn't it? 

Wish me luck.
(Photo courtesy of weheartit.com)

Tears.

Last weekend Paulo was busy catching waves and I was busy reading through my rough draft.  I have now read the entire thing.  There are markings on each and every page, lots of things crossed out and little editing carrots popping up here and there, adding more or rewording phrases that needed an adjustment.  At some points you will see big marks saying "SHOW NOT TELL!!!" and at other times you will find stars denoting something I really, really liked.  Three stars, that's the most any passage has, but those passages deserve it.

As I was almost finished, on the second to last page, there was a little phrase, something that was surrounded by quotation marks and seemed so small on the page, but made a lump jump into my throat.  I cannot tell if I almost cried because the emotion was brought out by my writing or if my writing merely reminded me of an emotion that was at one point all to real, but either way, it happened.  Tears were brought to my eyes. 

I read it later to Paulo (at the risk of getting car sick on the windy road away from from the beach and back towards home) and he said he could see the picture playing out in his mind and it was beautiful.  Once again, I ask is this from my writing itself or is is merely my writing is bringing to his mind all the stories he has heard a million times? 

Well, I don't know, and I won't know until others read it.  There is a lot of changing that needs to take place before that happens, questions that need to be answered, some that need to be asked so the answer makes sense... but in the end, I can honestly say that I have something very solid to build upon.  Soon I will be finished, soon this will be in the hands of others.  Will they have a tear threaten to fall as well when Jenny cups her little hands around mine and asks about the sea glass?  I hope so.

 (Watercolor world found at weheartit.com, words added by me)

Dynamic.

After my last blog post, about how I was scared to move forward, my husband talked me through it.  What a blessing to be married to someone who listens to you, let's you say what you need to say, and then calmly tells you that you can do what it is you need to do even if you don't feel like it!  And further more, helps you come up with a plan to make that happen.  See, I knew he was a keeper! ;)

So, now instead of avoiding that red folder stacked full of paper -- my manuscript -- I have been attacking it, one day a time.  Specifically, 15 pages at a time. 

Wanna know what I found out?

I am a darn good writer.  While reading through (and remind yourself that I wrote most of this over half a year ago... and never have I seen the thing as whole, just bits and pieces) I would look up to Paulo and say, "Wow, Babe, this is really good!"  or, "The idea here is great, just needs a little fine-tuning," as I would scribble down my notes in the margins.  There are definite areas of weakness, but mostly, there is strength.  The foundation for this book is strong, and it can only get better from here. 

The best comment I made, however, was this one: "Tiffany is a dynamic character."  Yes, I was talking about myself in the third person because I was reading about myself.  But what I said is true.  She (being me) is not static, she struggles and grow and changes over time.  You know, I am excited to see where this journey takes her... I guess I better finish the book.

(Photo courtesy of weheartit.com)

Published.

No, no.  Not my book.  That is going to be published, yet.  (But it will be!)

Today my excitement comes over my other project I have been working on -- my food blog.

I started it a few months back as a way to record recipes and adventures (as well as misadventures!) in the kitchen.  It kind of became a conglomoration of stories of trial and error, cooking lessons, and a record of a dual-cultural marriage through the lens of food.  It has been growing, now over 2,000 page views, which is way more than this blog will ever have -- and I like it that way.  (This one is way more personal.)  When I hit 32 I lost count of how many different countries were represented by my occasional readers, with a lot of hits coming from the American expat community living in Brazil.  I guess American-Brazilian marriages seek out others in the same situation, no matter the country they live in!  All in all, it has been fun, challenged me as a writer (food blogs can do that, you shouldn't be surprised), and has connected me to a whole new world of people -- people trying to make food at home, whether they are successful or not.

Today is a big day for my little food blog with 18 followers (plus 28 of Facebook).  I just sent back the appropriate papers for my blog to be a Featured Publisher blog with Foodbuzz.com.  This means that they liked me enough to want to put their stamp of approval (and links to their website) on my blog and I will be promoted through their advertising department.  Nothing huge, but still... it is a sign that somewhere, someone thinks my writing is worth reading.  And you know what?  That feels good. :)


(See the picture on the top?  I found it through a Google search and it made me remember about Wordles.  If you have not made a Wordle before, do it!  You just go to wordle.net and copy and paste the text you want in it or RSS your blog/whatever to it.  It gives a visual representation of your words -- the more frequent the word usage, the larger the word.  Gave it a try with my food blog, and this is what I got.  I guess I really like chicken, hahaha!)

Resistance.

I have done absolutely nothing on my manuscript for over a month.

This is a sad confession to make.

I would like to say it is because I have been too busy, and in actuality, I have been.  But if I am honest, that is not the real reason.  It is one of the many reasons.  The tiniest of those reasons, but one of them.

The other reasons look like this:
Revising is boring.  It is true.  The high of creating, of pulling something out of somewhere deep inside you and filling a page with it, that is beautiful and exciting and fun.  Rewriting is nothing like that.  It is analyzing, judging, contemplating, and then starting again.  I want to be creative.  This would be why my other blog is getting so much attention and why pictures are being edited.  Why I am baking when I hate baking.  I like to create much better than perfect something that has already been created.

But the real reason, honestly?  I am scared.  I am afraid that once I am done with this step I have to open myself up via my manuscript to others so that they can give feedback so I can (once again) rewrite and make it better.  I feel so vulnerable.  It is one thing for somebody to read a blog post that took 20 minutes to work on... if they like it, GREAT!  If not, whatever.  But to open myself up to people, and eventually many people, on something first of all took as-of-now over a year to work on and (more importantly) such a sacred experience in my life... that is intimidating. 

I cannot stop now.  I want to do this, and truthfully, I need to do this.  I need to get this out there.  So that means I need to start working on this.  Time to stop letting boredom, business, and fear dictate how this project is going to turn out.  It is time to take it back into my hands, finish what I started, and let those who want to read it, read it. 

Truth be told, I hope that is a lot of people ;)

(Picture from weheartit.com)