News: Don't Go There!

Was just browsing the MSN and came across this little article.

Number 5 on the list?

Bikini Atoll. Otherwise known as the home to the people of Ebeye.

But I don't want to take their advice. Give the option to go, and I will jump on it.

Answer.

I posted a couple of days ago my questions. Today I heard my answer. Brandon Heath was being interviewed on K-Love, and they asked, "Why did you choose to be a singer/songwriter?" His response: "I have discovered that all lives are stories to share, so I sing to share my story and the stories of others. I have also discovered that the truly amazing ones are those that include Jesus."

Thank you, Brandon, for being another answer to my many questions.

Time.

(Picture from Discovery.com)

I sit for an hour and write. And what do I have to show for it? 311 words. Sometimes they flow, sometimes they do not. I guess today is a "does not flow" day. So I will stop, I will rest, and I will try again tomorrow.

Questions.

Last night I went to bed with many questions swirling through my head. No, let's be honest. Many doubts swirling through my head.

Why am I doing this?

Will anybody even care to read this?

What makes this story book worthy? Do I even have a plot, or is this just a bunch of experiences thrown together in a way that will let people drop the book after a few chapters and say, "Well, that was nice while it lasted..."?

I could not come up with any answers so I went to bed, a little discouraged. And then I dreamt about Ebeye. But not the Ebeye I know... a people-less Ebeye. All of the buildings were there, I was walking down the street with Paulo and there were no lights on except at the grocery store, and I leaned over to him and said, "No power tonight." We tried to lay down to sleep in a dirty apartment and the Fear of the Cockroach overtook me. When I woke up in the middle of the night something hit me: Ebeye sucks. As a former World Missions Director at PUC told me before I went out was, "So basically you sat down with the globe and picked the worst possible place on the face of the Earth to go to."

Yep, basically that is what I did.

But that was not my experience. What made Ebeye, this incredibly aweful place on its own, so unbelievably wonderful to me? What made this, honestly, a sacred experience in my life?

There was only one difference between my dream and the reality was the people. They were why I went; they are my story.

This morning, as I was cooking banana pancakes and listening to Pandora, my Saturday morning ritual, as song came on that I have not heard for quite some time. But as the first chord struck I yelled out, "Babe, it's my song!" and ran over and turned up the volume as loud as it could go. This song is also one of questions, questions that Shawn Groves sings about his presence on the stage as a Christian singer, questions that I shared in the weeks before heading out to Ebeye. These questions really filled my heart going into that time and throughout. How great it is that God answers my questions at the right time, in the right way. And I learned that although the question is important, and the power lies in the answer.

Should I Tell Them

Walking with you is not without hazards
Trippings this traveler's curse
Price paid for falling is more than my stumble
In a world that is watching and waiting for words

But I listened when You said to go
And I set out in spite of my fears
About truth mixed with my imperfection
And the question of what to say when I got here

And now that I'm here
Should I tell them that
You are the one who has made me
And saved me and set up a home there inside
Should I tell them that I am a perfect example
Of all You can do with a life.
What should I say to them?
What if I'm failing them?
What should i tell the tonight?

Now don't get me wrong
I'm thankful to be here
With this song to sing and a spotlight on me,
But lately I'm wondering if you are mistaken,
If you're seeing all of me there is to see.

Cause on every face I detect
The same questions I've posed to you
Like do you speak through the imperfect
Are we too dirty for your light to get through?
I want your light to get through.

What should I tell them when
They're thirsty Lord
My cup is empty Lord
Come and lead me here in this place
Cuz I'm honest, yeah, but I'm unprepared
And I'm just plain afraid

Email.

"Dear Tiffany,

We are interested in possibly using the story you sent us of your life told
through the cars you've owned in a future issue of Guideposts, and would
like to talk to you about it. Would you please send me your contact
information (phone number, address), and attach a picture of yourself if you
could?

Thanks very much!

Best,
Kate ------
Interim Copy Chief"

Boo-yah!

Enthusiasm.

I am once again enthusiastic about my project. Funny how the stress level in my life goes down (i.e. my classroom is past the state of constant chaos that fills every new school year, my house is in order, my car will be soon replaced) and my enthusiasm goes up. Now if I could only find time to squeeze in my Borders trips again!

Life.

There is something I struggle with. How do I show my everyday life, the mundane and the normal, throughout the crazy and the adventurous? I need to learn to weave it in so that the picture I am sharing is the reality of my life there. Yes, I battled strange creatures and saw disgusting things, but I also enjoyed pizza night with friends and watched Deja Vu on three different occasions. This was my life. This is what I need to also show. So, this is my challenge this week. To bring the average into the adventure like one seamless flow. Because, in reality, that is what it was.

Inspiration: Yokwe Yokwe

Yokwe Yokwe: A goodbye party.

Yokwe: Hello. Goodbye. Love.

Three very different words in English, one word in Marshallese.
But then, maybe these words aren't that different after all...

Distraction.

I sit down to write. I close down the other browsers, I open a blank Word doc, and the phone rings. Oops, I forgot to turn off the ringer. I take care of that and then go back to my task. What to write? What to write? Oh, I have a list somewhere of what I should do next, but darn it! I left it in my classroom. Ok, I will go through my old blogs from Ebeye to see what happens next. I open Facebook (because I had transfered my old blog from MySpace to there about a year ago) and I see that so-and-so posted a really cute picture, which of course, I must comment on. I like her outfit and wonder if I could find something similar for myself. Maybe at Charlotte Russe... a new browser opens and the "window shopping" begins. Didn't find what I was find for, but got a couple of other great ideas for some new clothes. I am looking forward to going shopping in SF this weekend. It will be fun to hit Union Square. I am supposed to be writing, oops! I better close down Facebook, which is what got me into this mess. I click W icon and there is my blank page. Oh yes! I was supposed to find what I did next on Facebook. There was a reason I was there. I once again open Facebook and go straight to my notes while also opening Blogger. I see that a friend has posted a new blog about her exercise class on Thursday night. That is so cool, because I too have found a Thusday night exercise class that I love. Thank goodness for Zumba! It is my motivation to get out of the house on Thursday when I would otherwise want to be curled up. I need to try to get more consistant with it, though. Maybe if I found another time during the week that I could do kickboxing or something... hmmm. That sounds good. I open 24hourfitness.com, only to realize I have still not figured out what I am supposed to write about today. I (once again) close that browser and see the Blogger page staring back at me. Oh well, I might as well update my blog. So I write about my distractions while a blank Word document lies untouched.

Writing is easy: All you do is sit staring at a blank sheet of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead.
~Gene Fowler