Victory.

56,047 Words.
112 Pages.
29 Chapters.
9 Months of writing..
1 Complete rough draft.

I am done. 

You have know idea how sweet the taste of victory is right now.  No idea.

I think I am going to go crash now.

Tomorrow.

The end starts tomorrow.  I am going to sit down and pump it out.  It will be done by Saturday night.  Watch and see.

Feeling.

I can feel it in my fingers, in my toes, everywhere.  I am almost there.  I just sat for a half an hour, the only time I had available today, time that would have otherwise gone to TV or reading or whatever, but it went to this.  594 words closer to the end. 

I feel good, yeah!  Oh I feel so good, yeah! Oh I feel so, Oh I feel so, Oh I feel so good, yeah, yeah, yeah!!!

Time.

Yesterday I had a lot of time.  A lot.  And I thought I would get a lot accomplished with this time.  A lot.  But I did not. 

Instead, I chased after flat-leafed kale until I found out that the constant rain has ruined it for the time being and had to just settle for curly kale, which I had found at the first store as well as the fifth store... 

Instead, I spun around and around in circles trying to cross anything off my list of things I needed to accomplish (dishes, laundry, etc.) because I had been too busy to do any of that the week before yet didn't actually accomplish anything...

Instead, I spent 2 hours at an appointment that should have lasted about 45 min...

Needless to say, I did not get the time I thought I would have.  I did not accomplish what I had hoped I would.  I wish I had the power to stop time.  Everybody does, I guess, but that would be so convenient in my life.  But then, maybe I don't.  I didn't get done what I thought I would get done, but really, do I want a day longer than 24 hours long?  I would probably just fill it with more stuff to do.

What I need is not the ability to slow time down, but to treat each moment as a precious gift and use it wisely.  Some days that is easier than others, because sometimes life gets in the way.  Oh well, life happens, time gets wasted, and in the end I am really no worse off than I was before.  Just maybe a little behind schedule.

Overwhelmed.

It is really coming to an end.  I know it is just the rough draft, but WOW, this is just a huge feeling.  I spent about two hours straight writing today with no break.  My fingers hurt and my brain hurts and I have no more inside of me to give to the page right now, but it is wrapping up. 

I cannot believe it.

I mean, I know I still have all this other stuff to do.  Revision, rewriting, editing, and then doing what I can to get it published.  But this part, which really is the juicy part, is almost done.  What am I going to do with myself afterwards??? 

Well, first I will celebrate.  And then I guess I will start revising.  But then, what will I do then?

___________________________________________________________________________

Same day, just later time.  (5:04)

I cannot breathe.

I am so close to being finished.  From what I can tell, just two chapters to go. All I have done today is write, write, write.  And that's all I want to keep doing.  But I can't.  I have a headache, my eyes are sore from looking at the computer, and I need to get out there and relax because I have a six-day work week ahead of me, starting early tomorrow morning.   

But there is nothing more I want to do right now that THIS.  I am ready for this.  I have been waiting a long time.  It is just around the corner...

Writing became such a process of discovery that I couldn't wait to get to work in the morning: I wanted to know what I was going to say. ~Sharon O'Brien


(Photo courtesy of weheartit.com)

Inspiration.

Then I guess I better get to work...

(Photo courtesy weheartit.com)

Nolynn.

Found this waiting for me in my Facebook Inbox today.

People wonder how I could live in Ebeye and like it, and why I still have a place in my heart for it today.  THIS is why. 

My heart is so full right now.

Direction.

As I was laying down on the floor just now, talking to my husband, something popped out of my mouth.

"I think I am just a few chapters away from being done."

The moment the words were uttered I realized that, yes, they were true.  I don't know how to explain it.  It isn't that my outline matches up with that.  I have detoured from my many outlines all the time, but each detour takes me in a new direction, better than the ones before.  It isn't that I am out of stories.  One can never run out of stories from a time abroad.  It is an impossibility.  There is no better way to explain it than this: I just feel it.  I feel the end of my story winding down.  I have reached the climax (which was not where I expected it to be) and have battled and won against the problem (which was not what I thought the overall struggle was).  I am now descending down the other side of the plot line, finding that although I thought I knew the exact direction my book was going, I did not.  Or rather, I did, I just didn't know it outright.  It was hidden down there, buried inside of me, waiting for me to dig it out. 

Now that I have (once again) made a revised outline, I look at my little notes jotted in this notebook filled with scribbles and ideas, some scratched out while others are underlined, repeatedly, and I feel triumph.  Not just triumph, hope.  The end is in sight.  For so long it was out there, like Shrek, in The Land of Far, Far Away.  Just an idea, nothing real.  But now I can see it, written in black ink, in my own handwriting.  It is real.  And I will reach it.  It is only a matter of weeks now.  Being this close makes me just want to sit and write.  I want to do it now!  However, life still keeps going and I have other things I must spend my time on, like heading to gym, which Paulo is waiting ever-so-patiently for me to do right now.  So, I guess I better get going, I can write later.  Just like in the beginning, I am so eager to do that.

I am almost there!

(Photo courtesy of weheartit.com)

Home.

Another Look.

The previous videos gave you a fact-based look at Ebeye. But it didn't capture the spirit. And since the spirit of a place is what it is really all about, what you take with you when you leave, I share this with you. Watch it. It is pure fun.

Growth.

My rough draft continues to grow. Although I originally had hoped that I would be finished with this part of it by Spring Break, I clearly am not. It is amazing how on days I have time to dedicate to this I can bust out a chapter or at least a good portion of one per day. And then when I am in my normal routine of LIFE, I can bust out one per month... Oh well. I am moving forward as I can, and I am proud to say that I have completed 75% of planned chapters! Yes, 75%. That is a big percentage. BIG. The end of this phase is almost complete, and I am quite proud of myself.

This whole process has made me realize something.  When I lived in Palau, and when I left Palau, I grew.  I saw and I felt it and I knew it.  I actually remember sitting down one day at some point in the middle of it all and writing down the ten most important things that I had come to an new understanding or realization of during my six months there.  No doubt about it, Palau was a growing experience for me.

Then there is Ebeye.  I lived in Ebeye, was challenged by the situation there more or less, but you know, I could not place my finger on anything that I had learned or in any way that I had grown.  I knew it impacted me deeply, I knew it was a sacred experience in my life, but I did not feel as if I had grown.  Well, except as a teacher.  But as Tiffany?  No, I saw Ebeye as this amazing experience, life-impacting experience.  But growing experience?  Nope, not so much.  It has been through this writing process that I have come to realize a few things:

1. I grew in Ebeye.  It just didn't look like the way others grew.  The lessons Lisa and Zack were learning were different than my lessons because we were in a different place in life. 
2. My growth was not as tangible as it was in Palau, but it was just as real.  I may not be able to sit down and write the top ten things I learned, but I feel them moving about inside of me. 
3. This growth actually might have been deeper, farther in the depths of my soul.  In Palau I learned SO MUCH about life around me and how I fit in it, so much about my own cultural biases and those of others and how we all weave them together to make this thing called Planet Earth go around.  But in Ebeye, I struggled with myself.  I challenged myself.  I grew myself.  I just didn't realize it.

I still cannot tell you the things that I learned there, because they don't fit into words.  Maybe this was why I was pretty much silent (who, ME?!) when I first came back.  Why Caiti and Audrey and Querubia had to pry it out of me and it always came out accompanied by tears.  The struggle was real, and so was the growth.

I am so glad that I have finally come to realize this.