Growth.

My rough draft continues to grow. Although I originally had hoped that I would be finished with this part of it by Spring Break, I clearly am not. It is amazing how on days I have time to dedicate to this I can bust out a chapter or at least a good portion of one per day. And then when I am in my normal routine of LIFE, I can bust out one per month... Oh well. I am moving forward as I can, and I am proud to say that I have completed 75% of planned chapters! Yes, 75%. That is a big percentage. BIG. The end of this phase is almost complete, and I am quite proud of myself.

This whole process has made me realize something.  When I lived in Palau, and when I left Palau, I grew.  I saw and I felt it and I knew it.  I actually remember sitting down one day at some point in the middle of it all and writing down the ten most important things that I had come to an new understanding or realization of during my six months there.  No doubt about it, Palau was a growing experience for me.

Then there is Ebeye.  I lived in Ebeye, was challenged by the situation there more or less, but you know, I could not place my finger on anything that I had learned or in any way that I had grown.  I knew it impacted me deeply, I knew it was a sacred experience in my life, but I did not feel as if I had grown.  Well, except as a teacher.  But as Tiffany?  No, I saw Ebeye as this amazing experience, life-impacting experience.  But growing experience?  Nope, not so much.  It has been through this writing process that I have come to realize a few things:

1. I grew in Ebeye.  It just didn't look like the way others grew.  The lessons Lisa and Zack were learning were different than my lessons because we were in a different place in life. 
2. My growth was not as tangible as it was in Palau, but it was just as real.  I may not be able to sit down and write the top ten things I learned, but I feel them moving about inside of me. 
3. This growth actually might have been deeper, farther in the depths of my soul.  In Palau I learned SO MUCH about life around me and how I fit in it, so much about my own cultural biases and those of others and how we all weave them together to make this thing called Planet Earth go around.  But in Ebeye, I struggled with myself.  I challenged myself.  I grew myself.  I just didn't realize it.

I still cannot tell you the things that I learned there, because they don't fit into words.  Maybe this was why I was pretty much silent (who, ME?!) when I first came back.  Why Caiti and Audrey and Querubia had to pry it out of me and it always came out accompanied by tears.  The struggle was real, and so was the growth.

I am so glad that I have finally come to realize this.