Resistance.

I have done absolutely nothing on my manuscript for over a month.

This is a sad confession to make.

I would like to say it is because I have been too busy, and in actuality, I have been.  But if I am honest, that is not the real reason.  It is one of the many reasons.  The tiniest of those reasons, but one of them.

The other reasons look like this:
Revising is boring.  It is true.  The high of creating, of pulling something out of somewhere deep inside you and filling a page with it, that is beautiful and exciting and fun.  Rewriting is nothing like that.  It is analyzing, judging, contemplating, and then starting again.  I want to be creative.  This would be why my other blog is getting so much attention and why pictures are being edited.  Why I am baking when I hate baking.  I like to create much better than perfect something that has already been created.

But the real reason, honestly?  I am scared.  I am afraid that once I am done with this step I have to open myself up via my manuscript to others so that they can give feedback so I can (once again) rewrite and make it better.  I feel so vulnerable.  It is one thing for somebody to read a blog post that took 20 minutes to work on... if they like it, GREAT!  If not, whatever.  But to open myself up to people, and eventually many people, on something first of all took as-of-now over a year to work on and (more importantly) such a sacred experience in my life... that is intimidating. 

I cannot stop now.  I want to do this, and truthfully, I need to do this.  I need to get this out there.  So that means I need to start working on this.  Time to stop letting boredom, business, and fear dictate how this project is going to turn out.  It is time to take it back into my hands, finish what I started, and let those who want to read it, read it. 

Truth be told, I hope that is a lot of people ;)

(Picture from weheartit.com)